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Wanted: Girlfriend
Must be good looking, well dressed with a sense of humour.
Perferably 5'4" to 5'10 and brunette. Must be intellectual and be
able to hold intelligent conversations on a variety of topics.
Being able to fix my spelling mistakes is an asset.
Females only please. Applicants having an interest in computers,
mythology, humanity, story telling and pets will be favored over
those without. Interests in other topics is also an asset.
Long term is perfered over short term. Someone living in the Calgary
area will be given preference over outsiders. It would be good if
you had your own car as well, since I don't have one. Ability to
drive me for noodles on a moment's notice is highly sought after.
Education at a post secondary level is ideal. Either with or without
a degree. Applicants should be between the ages of 20 and 26. Being
independantly wealthy would not be bad either but not needed.
Interested parties should email
me
with their qualifications and some personal information.
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Wanted: Stalker
Perferably young pretty non-harmful female.
Good humour and stealthy skills an asset. Must be able to answer the
following questions in an introductory annonymous email:
- Where and when was I born?
- What is my favorite song?
- What are the names of my goldfish?
- What colour is the carpet in my room?
Applicants must begin stalking immediatly and at all times, no part time
stalkers please.
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Missing: My Hair
Last seen in 1998. There have been reported sitings between 1998 and 2002
when in the summer of that year it appears to vanish off the face of the Earth.
Anyone knowing anything about this disappearance is encouraged to call Crime Stoppers
or send me an email. As usual all reports are kept strickly confidential and
you are free to remain anonymous.
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Employment Wanted
Looking for a job where I can sit around and do nothing all day, and get paid well
for it. Positions where a company car is supplied and 3 day weekends are common
will be given top priority.
Am willing to moonlight on at most 5 similar jobs before I decide which position
to accept. Jobs where I am supplied with a hot secretary, or my own intern, will
be immediatly accepted.
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Found: Hair Fragments
Discovered while cleaning. Numerous hairs all over the place. Owner of these hairs
are welcome to collect them. To do so please contact me and I will give you the
location.
Mysterious hair piles have been appearing and growing since 1998. The last major
hair find was in 2002 when suddenly they stopped. If not collected within one
year, will auction off to the highest bidder.
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